sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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