Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
