we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
