Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
