My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
