i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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