oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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