Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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