I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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