is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
