its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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