Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
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Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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