my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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