If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
