Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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