I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
