Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
