I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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