hell yes lets make some ravioli
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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