he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
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No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
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I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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