Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
