Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
