and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
