man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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