i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
