There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
