At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
