If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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