D3 body, D1 cock
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
