I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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