im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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