yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
