Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
