fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
