maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
