it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
