Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
