Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
