Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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