Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
