What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
