I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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