It's Friday. Sex?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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