i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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