i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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