You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
