Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
