I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Randomize
