Need sex. Gaining weight.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize