how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
