Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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