Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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