I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
