My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
