goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
