More tranny stories later!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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