my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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