meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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