I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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