im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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