Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
