Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
