Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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