Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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