Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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