bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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