Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
