your room smells of hookers.
And success
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
